Maria was 17 years old when it happened: When an innocent diet became so much more.
It all started with ten days of fasting: A fasting that was supposed to rinse the whole body and give you vibes of well being. And, by all means, that was a good and decent idea. The thought of renewed energy and pride of accomplishing something not everyone can manage was great.
On the tenth evening the goal of the year was accomplished. She had done it. Surprisingly easy. In spite of weariness and too much sleep, successful renovation was accomplished. But after liquid food for such a long time, teeth and mind was crying for something chewy and good. And something tasteful was indeed deserved. A freshly baked pizza put on the table made her mouth go off like a fountain.
Eating like crazy on an empty belly never works. It twisted and did all kind of brutal behaviors. Letting it have its lifetime party without cooperation with the mind, was not a good idea. One thing was certain: Things had to get out again. But never had she vomited voluntarily, nor had she wanted it. With patience and three fingers down her throat, it worked out fine. The food was returned in a not so fancy manor, and her belly was smiling relieved.
If all had stopped there, everything had been just fine. Despite the nasty pizza composition, it was not the end of the world. Anyone can get a little ill of too much food every now and then, right? The problem was that it didn’t stop there. Something very unfortunate had just been planted. In a clever way, her body remembered the vomit-episode, and thoughts on that she could do this again, slowly but steadily entered her mind.
A Volunteer Vomit
The family was rarely without grand food. Lovely deserts, and excellent dinners was very common, and this Sunday was no exception. After a dinner finished with seven creamy scones, she vomited. Voluntarily. For the second time in her life.
That’s how it started, one hell of a relationship towards food. Some regular meals, and many irregular. Large chocolate bars, chips, cakes, candy, ice cream and waffles. It all came out again, with the greatest secrecy. – Because nobody knew. She disciplined herself, and hid it all too well. But why did these ideas come over her?
She hardly understood it herself, because she did not at all have a poor self esteem, and was just as social, easygoing and smiling as always. But she realized that the problem was not fictional. In an remarkable way, she had come to the point where she had an enormously unnecessary focus towards food. That which once was meant to enjoy, and ease hunger, had suddenly become a cunning slave. After many rounds in her own mind, firmly determined to end it, she broke down time after time.
“That’s the way it works. The devil tries to steal absolutely everything. He works in the direction of trapping us in what we are or makes ourselves weak for. In my case, it was food. That which once was innocent and nice, became something corrupted that controlled my everyday life” says Maria today.
She’s 25 years old now. She still notices that food has the potential of taking control, but tells that she has cracked the code.
“It has been terrible hard to work my way out of it, but glory is to God. After a while, I broke down at a friend of mine. We started to pray. She encouraged me to give it all to God, although it felt extremely difficult. I remembering becoming quite annoyed of her not really knowing what she really was talking about. Who was she to come with such an easy and straightforward solution? It seemed all too easy. However, things actually started to happen when we prayed. It was so strange. The more I prayed, the less I wanted to overeat and vomit. It was like if the understanding of what Gods freedom really means, became more and more real for me!
When you start giving your little finger to something, as I did, it is much easier the next time. I think it is important to know ahead how one should react and think. Take those bad situations before they actually appear. I also believe it has a lot to do about being close to God. The further we move ourselves away from him, the more we mess up our own things. And if these are issues we really are struggling with, life really can become like hell.
Despite I grew up in Christian surroundings, I did not understand the meaning of it all. As I did in the beginning, I still ask God every single day to protect my heart and mind. I’m convinced that great things will happen if we put our heart in God’s hands, let him work through us and fill us with supernatural thoughts, values and love in our lives. He changed me. “
Written by Mari-Ann Skiftun. Translated by Emily Huyck.